1 post tagged “sensitivity chip”
What are you most sensitive about?
Sadly, I'm very sensitive about my weight. I know it makes very little sense because I'm not overweight by any means. I only weigh a few more pounds than I did in high school and am very lucky in that I don't really have to do much to stay that way. Sure, some of it's flabbier than it used to be, but I can still fit in my size 6's and look halfway decent, so I should be grateful. Honestly though, I forget that I'm skinny by most standards. The way I look in my mind doesn't match what others see. In my head, I'm the smart and funny chubby girl.
It's my mother's fault completely. And my sister's. Well, not really (but really). They are those kind of people who lament how skinny they are. "Oh no! My size 2's are getting baggy!" wasn't an uncommon thing to hear growing up. Mom didn't diet - quite the contrary. She would stock up on avocadoes, half and half, and pound cake, trying to bulk up. She is just very naturally petite and adorable. Linz isn't quite petite at 6' tall (sorry, 5'11.75") but she has the same light speed metabolism. The girl eats like a frat boy... pizza, pop tarts, cheetos... but struggles to gain weight.
Neither of them is gloating about it. They are actually very sensitive about it too. Linz has visited her doctor several time to figure out why she loses weight without trying, and gets frustrated when the nurses are quick to say "Oh dear, I wish I had your problem! Poor you!". She feels summarily dismissed and like no one takes her seriously. Everyone assumes she has an eating disorder or is a model. She's even starting to take it personally when people comment on her baby daughter saying "What a tiny little thing!". Of course, with our tendency towards black humor, she's less inclined to actually get defensive and much more likely to say "One can never start the binge/purge cycle too early if you want to be on the pages of Vogue."
Mom's metabolism has actually slowed down considerably. She whines and complains about being a massive size SIX now, but I remind her that all she ever wanted was a butt and she finally got one. While she was in the hospital for her aneurysm, she dropped down to 80 pounds (and she's 5'7"). She looked more like she was coming home from Auschwitz than Shreveport, and I think it was enough of a scare that her body decided that maybe it would go ahead and hang on to some of those calories.... just in case.
I love that Mom is finally normal shaped now, and I have to remind myself that I am too. So I won't fit into a size two, so my stomach will never be used as an implement of washing clothes, so I weigh more than my mom did when she was 9 months pregnant with me. I will remind myself constantly that *I AM NORMAL* and they are not. I won't obsessively do situps or try to starve myself. And I will avoid the scale at all costs, preferring to track my weight by the assurance that I don't need to buy a bigger size of clothes. I will not be sensitive about my weight. But let's not talk about it, just in case.....
