1 post tagged “day care”

I know, I know.  I'm supposed to be cheerful and grateful and happy.  No one likes a whiner.  But where is that line?  Is it wrong to worry or vent about problems or should I just keep them to myself?  Is bottling things up and pretending all is well in the least bit helpful?

How things stand:

Mom was denied disability.  She survived a grade 5 anuerysmal subarachnoid hemorrhage, lost a great deal of speech ability, short term memory, strength on her right side.  She needs a nap everyday or her speech gets even worse, can't remember what happened yesterday, and needs to use both hands to open a can of coke, but no.... that's not disabled.  Her "husband" refuses to help her out.  He won't pay her car note, give her gas money, or provide anything more than a place to live.  He's hidden her jewelry from her for fear that she might pawn it.  Because, you know, she shouldn't pawn jewelry to pay a car note.  My grandmother will pay it.  Because she's just rolling in the money as a retired missionary. 

I tried to keep up with her car note last year.  I tried to keep up with everything after her brain aneurysm exploded last year.  What happened?  I couldn't pay for the girls day care.  Full-time daycare for a 3 and 4 year old costs $1400 a month.  I make too much to qualify for assistance.  I couldn't pay for my own insurance or car.  My car was repossessed.  I couldn't send the girls to school anymore and my sister had to keep them for awhile.  I couldn't keep the house we were living in and had to move to an apartment.  It's depressing and embarrassing, but there you have it.  I wasn't getting ANY money for child support at the time and trying to do it all myself.  The stress was so bad that my seizure disorder flared up again and I had to get back on medication for the first time in 6 years.

Things gradually got on track.  Mom watched the girls for me.  The ex started to pay child support a few months ago.  I've been planning on moving to house this summer that would be big enough for Mom to live with us.  I stupidly thought that she would be getting approved for disability, given that every doctor she has seen is amazed that she is even alive.  The survival rate for her condition is only 10%.  She is a miracle and is progressing really well. 

With the money I was getting in child support, I put the girls in a part-time preschool.  They need the social interaction and are just so hungry to learn.  They're smart little girls and I want to be able to harness that love for learning while their young.  The school wasn't the best of places, but they made friends and Allie was learning to write again.  I hate that she's not reading by now.  If she'd been able to stay in school, she'd be reading by now.  I'm so terrified that all of this upheaval and instability is going to scar them somehow.  I'm trying my best to keep things calm and scheduled for them, but I don't have that luxury all the time.

Yesterday, I had to pick the girls up from school.  Mom wasn't feeling well enough to watch them.  Their pre-school is being bought out by a larger chain called KinderCare.  I had to take them out of a KinderCare after Mom's aneurysm because I couldn't afford it anymore.  They wanted me to pay for the 2 weeks the girls didn't attend school.  The 2 weeks that I was in Louisiana wondering if my mom was going to die.  The 2 weeks in which I didn't get paid.  So, when I walk in the building yesterday, who should appear but the director of their old school.  She politely says hi, good to see  you, I didn't know you were here.  Then I hear someone whispering to her "do you want to talk to her?" as I walk down the hall to retrieve the girls.  On the way out, she informs me that I need to pay off my balance from last year if I want the girls to keep going there.

Which, OK, I didn't like that school all that much to begin with and was going to look for something else.  Mom is doubting her ability to watch the girls as much as she has been, so I wanted to find something that had a fuller part-time schedule for around the same cost, which would mean a church program somewhere.

But wait.  I get a call later that night from the ex to tell me that any/all child support payments will be on hold for a few months.  Child support equals school money.  So now I don't have money for them to go to school.  My mom is not up to watching them, no matter how strongly she denies that claim in an effort to help me.  My sister can't watch them because she is now hugely pregnant and needs to stay off of her feet, lest she end up on bedrest like she did with her last pregnancy.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm whining, but I am at a loss as to what to do.  I know Mom can file an appeal and hire a lawyer, but that will take another  year I'm sure.  What do real people do?  I make too much for assistance, but not enough to actually work and pay for school.  Allie starts kindergarten in August, so that will help.  But right now it's April and just surviving to August seems impossible.  I don't understand the "system".  I don't understand how people who work their asses off year after year after year can get no help when something catastrophic happens.  It's unjust.  And more than that, it is exhausting.

I apologize for being a downer.  And please don't get me wrong.  I am grateful everyday that Mom is still here.  Just being able to call her everyday is a gift beyond measure.  It's just taking us all a lot longer to recover and get back on track than I ever thought it would.

I'll promise I'll post something peppy and cute in a little bit.  I promise.  Meanwhile, if anyone needs any freelance writing/design/vacuuming done, I'm your girl.