44 posts tagged “avery”
One of my benevolent co-workers overheard me lamenting the loss of my lens. He said he never has time to use his most awesomely amazing badass lens ever and offered to let me borrow it for a couple of weeks. After I passed out (which was awkward), promised to be his best friend forever and ever (which he respectfully declined), and pinched myself to make sure I wasn't actually asleep at my desk dreaming the whole thing (stranger things have happened), I humbly accepted his offer and floated giddily back to my desk, already composing photos in my head.
The thing that I love about this lens, is that it sees things the way I do. So many times I have the shot in my head and in my sight but the translation gets lost in the glass. After looking at these pictures, I think the lens loves my children almost as much as I do...
Avery was sick, but she still photographs beautifully...
Allie is pensieve as ever. And yes, she is my exact clone...
Scene One
Linz: Allie, we're going to Wal Mart.
Allie: But Wal Mart exploits their workers.
Linz: Um, okay. I'm calling your mom. (dials phone) Ashley, do you know what your daughter just said to me about Wal Mart?
Me: That they exploit their workers?
Linz: Does she even know what that means?
Me: Ask her!
Linz: What does that mean, Allie?
Allie: It means that they don't want to give their workers insurance and they can't go to the doctor.
Me: See how fun brainwashing can be?
Allie: And also, they make everything in China.
Linz: You need a hobby...
Scene Two (overheard discussion between the girls)
Allie: Grandma says we have to vote for the old guy.
Avery: But mom likes No Rock Oh Momma.
Allie: No she likes Hillary Clinton, but we have to pick between the old guy and No Rock.
Avery: No Rock then.
Allie: But Grandma and Lindsay say that No Rock lets women kill their babies in their tummies.
Avery: Only if the baby tries to kill them first.
Scene Three
Allie: Look Mom! Grandma got us a new Webkinz!
Grandma: And a pin from the Republican party too!
Me: So the bear is a republican?
Allie: I want to play Webkinz!
Me: Okay honey. But what are you going to name the bear?
Grandma: How 'bout Freedom Bear?
Me: Or maybe Doomed Economy Bear?
Linz: Your mom would rather name it Gay Marriage Bear.
Grandma: Or Baby Killer Bear.
Me: Your other relatives want to name it Legislating Morality Bear.
Allie: Um.... how 'bout "Fuzzy"?
Avery started kindergarten yesterday. She was so excited about her big day that she nearly ran off to her classroom without so much as a goodbye hug. Allie was equally excited to start the first grade. She's disappointed that her boyfriend isn't in her class, but I think that's a good thing....
Avery is obsessed with Care Bears. So of course, she had a Care Bear party. I was worried about her party at first, since she's not in school and she doesn't really have friends her age outside of school, except for her sister. The only kids we know outside of school are Allie's age and when they're around, then Avery loses her BFF Allie who is off playing with the older kids. I was envisioning a really sad party where no one came to celebrate with Avery... who is the sweetest little girl in town.
Luckily, her teachers at her preschool let me swing by and drop off invitations to her party. And holy cow, you'd have thought I just walked in with the Jolie-Pitt twins. Everyone was so excited to see Avery... all her friends were hugging her and making a fuss and wanted to know when she would be back in school. (We're taking the summer off.) 5 of her friends were able to come and they had a blast playing at the party. It was a wonderful success. And I didn't even have a panic attack when I had to talk to the other parents! Woohoo!
Right before the cake and candles, Avery was really wheezing and needed a breathing treatment. She asked if she could have her cake first and I conceded since her asthma was in a manageable state. Of course, as it's time to blow out the candles, I realize that Little Miss Asthmatic is not going to be able to blow them all out. As I stepped in to help, Allie helped too. Which pissed Avery right off. She puckered that bottom lip and was about to unleash a torrent of tears because sister blew out her candles. Hoping to distract her, I leaned in and whispered in her ear "Hey. You wanna lick frosting off Share Bear's butt?" Disaster averted.
This same Care Bear made an appearance at Allie's birthday party (which we held at the same facility) and Avery looked like she'd died and gone to heaven. The young man wearing the costume, knows not to speak when in costume, because he doesn't quite have that saccharine falsetto to match his costume. Avery kept asking him questions "Do you really live in the clouds? What's Cheer Bear like? Can we get Grumpy Bear some meds?" I explained to Avery that Care Bears speak in rainbows which are hard for little girls to hear, so I translated the answers for her. (Yes. Annoying. No, but a stiff drink might help.) So of course, she was super excited that "Sunny" came to her party as well...
The first time Avery opened birthday presents on her own, she was 2 years old. We had a family party at home that year, and I sat on the living room floor with her in case she needed help opening boxes or tearing paper. When each present was finally revealed, she would take the item in her chubby little hands. Toys she examined with glee, she held dresses to her front in order to model, books were instantly flipped through. And after each gift, she went around to each person at her party showing them exactly what she got and why it was so cool. It was the sweetest thing to see such unfettered gratitude in one so young.
We opened presents at home again, with family. Again, I was on the floor with her to assist. Now that she's five, she doesn't do the elaborate gift by gift show-and-tell. But her gratitude was still apparent. When opening every single present, she squealed gleefully and proclaimed "It's just what I always wanted!" Seeing her so joyful and beautiful and grateful, I knew exactly what she meant. She's just what I always wanted too.
See what I mean about trying to write? I'm going to stop that now before anyone puts an eye out. Instead, lets look at pretty pretty pictures together, shall we?
Thursday, Linz and I got to go to an exclusive bridal event at Hotel Derek. I'm not having my wedding there, but I'm down for free hors d'oevures and martinis. We practiced different wedding planning related gestures to use while talking about other things. And we looked adorable and shadowy.
We had a couple of martinis and came back to my place to eat dinner before having a girls' night. Getting ready is always fun. Beware of flared nostrils. They are massive and deadly. Do not try this at home.
Ron took the obligatory pre-launch photo. But Linz and I watch too much America's Next Top Model, so we were doing commercial, catalogue, and couture poses, while giving good neck and - of course - smiling with our eyes. Shown here is couture. (Linz is a national sternum and collarbone supermodel, clearly.)
Yes we're very silly. But not quite as silly as Ron who was trying to attack me with a blood pressure cuff. Sphygmomanometers: As fun to say as they are to play with.
We had a fun evening, which was much needed by all. My mom watched the kids for us, so Friday I watched them for her so she could recuperate.
Saturday, the girls and I went to the new park in downtown Houston called Discovery Green. It's trying to be the Central Park of Houston. It's usually really really fun, but it was pretty crowded on Saturday, and my little clones were too anxious to play very much. They were however eager to smile pretty :)
We also got to check out these half sphere thingies (their technical name, of course). Supposedly, one person sits in one, the other person in the other, and through some sort of sound wave trick, you can hear each other using normal voices even though they appear to be very far away. Once we were there, I discovered the magical trick is proximity, as they're not all that far apart. I was underwhelmed. But they make for a nice picture backdrop anyway...
Sunday was church and babysitting. Linz took Cayden to his first Astro's game and baby Prestyn stayed with us. I've never gotten to take many pictures of her, so I indulged. She is at an adorable age where she's just learned to clap and is quite proud of herself. I love 10 month olds. If I could give birth and have them instantly be this age, I'd have a dozen more.
She also has the prettiest eyelashes. I'm not entirely unconvinced that she isn't hiding an eyelash curler in her crib matress and furiously crimping away during naptime. She moves a ton so it's hard to capture the majesty of her eyelashes, but I gave it a good shot anyway...
I'm off to finish my weekend by cooking turkey spaghetti, playing Webkinz with the girls, watching the Simpsons, and trying to not think about all the wedding stuff I need to be thinking about.
I'm not too sure on what "liverty" details, but I'll take wishes over justice any day of the week. With my wishes, I can wish for justice!
Avery's version of the pledge of allegiance, followed by a bilingual musical rendition of the days of the week.
Okay, so Ron was right. They burp like frat boys. But they do it in such a cute way! And they almost always say "Excuse me". And they don't fart at the dinner table. Anymore. Manners are such a subjective thing, you know?
Because I have such wonderful and giving friends, we got the opportunity to see Sugarland perform at the Houston Rodeo and to participate in the Meet and Greet beforehand. Allie is a huge fan after seeing them perform this summer with Kenny Chessney. She sings "Stay" to her kindergarten teacher which always gets her some much needed attention. Avery loves anything that Allie tells her to, so she was excited as well. Ron? Well, he was napping in the corner 30 seconds before this picture was taken, but at least his eyes are open. And aparently I thought I was a contestant in America's Next Top Misplaced Beauty Pageant Contestant which is the only reason I can account for the strangeness of my pose. Jennifer and Kristian are beautiful, gracious, and talented as always. Kristian was a good sport when Avery said "Hi! My name is Avery and I'm four. How old are you?" He explained he was turning 7 pretty soon and was hoping to get a good present. I promised I'd put in a good word with his wife so maybe he could get that bicycle without training wheels. :)
Ron was ambitious enough to teach the girls how to play "Go Fish." I'm not good at teaching things. I can explain things and analyze things and create things, but teaching frustrates me. Ron is much better at this than I am. Allie caught on quickly and is an enthusiastic game player.
Allie: "Do you have any threes?"
Me: "Nope. Go fish."
Allie: "Awww, man! Are you kidding me? Alright..."
Me: "Do you have any sevens."
Allie: "N-O-P nope! Go fish!"
Me: "Oh look! I got a seven, so I have a matching pair."
Allie: "Woohoo! Awesome!"
Avery wasn't quite as quick on the uptake. Actually, I think she learned it just as quickly, but was unimpressed by the lack of creativity. She wanted a game without limits. She wanted something prettier and more exciting.
Me: "Do you have any tens?"
Avery: "Um, here. Check." Holds out all of her cards for me to see. She has no tens. I advise her to not show all her cards. She flops around a bit and I agree to lay all her cards flat on the table so we can play a practice game.
Me: "Your turn, hon."
Avery: "Do you have any sevens?"
Me: "No sweetie. And neither do you. You have to ask me for something that you need."
Avery: "Do you have any cookies?"
Me: "No sweetie. Like you have to ask me for a card that you have so you can make a pair. Ask me for a queen."
Avery: "Do you have a princess?"
Me: ......
Avery: giggling "I mean a queen?"
Me: "Why yes I do! Here you go! Now you've got a pair and now it's my turn. Do you have a jack?" I can see that she doesn't so I spare her the duty of answering and go fish.
Avery: "My turn! Do you have a twenty-nine?"
Me: "Um, honey. The cards are single digits. You can't combine them and ask for the big number. Ask for a two or a nine."
Avery: "Do you have a basketball?"
Me: Giving up. "Go fish."
Avery's new allergist recommended a complete allergy testing for her. She had a blood workup and a limited skin test when she was 2 years old, but the new allergist thought it was time for a more comprehensive panel since her asthma has been out of control lately. When he initially described the appointment to me, the doctor said that basically I would drop her off for 2 hours while they applied the numbing cream. Then they'd park her in front of a movie while it sunk in, and eventually poke her with a large number of small needles. I was encouraged to run errands, get my nails done, plant a tree, whatever. Bottom line, they did not want me there.
Which I understood. Some moms are very queasy when it comes to their child going through painful medical procedures. I have friends who sob hysterically at each immunization their child gets, because you know shots hurt. As for me, I'm pretty sure polio hurts even more, so do what you have to do for the sake of my childrens' health. Even when Avery had to be catheterized as a baby for a kidney problem I didn't blink. Of course, I was also disappointed that I couldn't witness my own epidural being administered, so maybe I'm just a little jaded to medical procedures given my constant exposure to them since birth.
Ahem. Anyway, when we went in for Avery's testing they had clearly changed the policy and I was present for the entire thing. We started by picking out an adorable "XYZ Allergy Center Shot Victim" shirt for her to wear. When the nurse asked Avery if she wanted red, blue, or army green Avery responded with "Mom's boyfriend used to be in the Army a long time ago and he was a soldier and has lots of cool Army blankets." I knew it was going to be one of those visits where she charmed every single person within earshot with her humorous tales and random ramblings in that little chipmunk voice of hers. I told the nurse we'd take red and we had a seat to get her arms buttered up with lidocaine.
Which was great. The nurse spread it on with tongue depressors like she was frosting a cake. Meanwhile Avery shared stories about her new step-brothers, my wedding plans, her fondness of Care Bears, and my particularly favorite moment when she loudly proclaimed "Mommy don't gots a job anymore!!!" Thanks for that hon. Really. Afterwards, her arms were wrapped in saran wrap and we were told to return in one hour. Off to Target we went, to many odd stares. She endured the awkwardness with her signature glee and I rewarded her with a "cherry sloooshee" from Sonic. Isn't she adorable?
I figured that surely when we returned I would be released. Honestly, I just wanted to sit in the waiting room and read a book. I knew they could do their job without my help and I didn't want to be in the way. Instead they said "Hop on your mom's lap, honey pie" and there I sat.
As they peeled off the plastic wrap, I braved a peek at the allergen sheet. I counted 80 total. They were going to poke her with 80 small needles. Awesome. One nurse loaded up Barbie Rapunzel in the DVD player while the other one began infecting all the needles with the offensive allergens. I alternately wondered how I could balance my new Stephen King book on my lap and how exactly the procured the allergens. One was cockroach. Were they really going to poke my daughter with essence of cockroach? Ew.
While the needles were getting dirty, nurse came over to write on Avery's forearms. She made 10 numbered rows down, with four dashed lines across. One set on each arm totalled 80. Avery was complacent throughout this process until needle time began. "I don't want to take a needle," she said. And while I opened my mouth to soothe her and assure her it was for the greater good, the nurse intercepted me and told her there would be no needles. Um, hi. I'm the mom and I don't really dig lying to my daughter, thanks. But then I reasoned that they do this many times a day so maybe the know the best way to proceed. She told Avery that they would be making dots on her arm, and asked Avery to help count them.
They started on her right forearm and Aves was quite happy to demonstrate her counting skills. Nurse was mercifully quick, but I noticed Avery's voice getting quieter and shaky the closer we got to 40. When nurse finished she said "See! You didn't even feel that did you?" and Avery meekly warbled "Yes I did and it hurt."
"That's okay!" said nurse. "Let's get started on your left arm!" And because Avery has 2 brain cells to rub together, she knew it was going to be 40 more painful pokes and quickly revolted - writhing and screaming. Honestly, I was shocked. She never responds like this. Allie, yes. With Allie, I can't even say the word "splinter" or "tweezer" in a sentence without her grabbing the phone, curling into the fetal position, and shreiking to her Gaga that Mommy is trying to kill her. But Avery is the only 2 year old in history to have 4 vials of blood drawn without a peep. And they had to stick the needle through scabby, inflamed, eczema elbows to even draw the blood. Avery's got chutzpah.
Avery kept flailing, nurse was ineffectively trying to distract her. Even the doctor came over to try and assist. I was trying to figure out the best way to restrain her by myself while she is wrestling me and smearing all the allergens into one another and just basically doing what a terrified 4 year old does best. The office staff stood by watching. That was super helpful. Finally, nurse said "I don't know how far you want us to go with her to get this done." Over Avery's high pitched yelps I said "I've got her legs and her left arm. Get someone to hold her right arm and lets get it over with."
40 more needle pokes quickly followed and once they were done, Avery stopped screaming. Her breath caught in her chest as she hiccuped the cries to a gradual stop. I whispered into her hair how proud I was, how brave she was and kissed her over and over. She became immersed in Rapunzel again and we gained a neigbor. A lady who was probably about in her 50's was having allergy testing done too and she had the seat next to us. Avery looked over at her, tears still streaking her face and assured the lady "It hurts reawy bad, but you can be brave. I'll help you," and I knew my Avery was back.
The allergens had to cook on her arms for 20 minutes and I watched to see which ones were developing the largest welts. The welt assigned to dustmites was visible from space. And really, have you ever seen a microscopic enlargement of a dustmite? That's not an allergy, that's just good judgement. Those things are nasty looking buggers. I thought I was going to include a picture, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
So I was watching the welts swell, and trying to read the checklist upside down to see what all she was allergic to. Meanwhile, Avery resumed charming the pants off of everybody. Her charm floats around her in a visible cloud so that everyone nearby gets a sprinkling of Avery Pixie Dust (patent pending). Shee was telling everyone about how daddy lives in Austin, and mommy killed her fish named Emo, and she has 6 boyfriends, and that mommy has a shiny pretty ring. And of course she was the cheerleader for everyone else getting tested. She even went so far as to demand a "gurprise" for the lady sitting next to her. If Avery got a surprise, then she thought it only fair that everyone else got one. I know I'm always on about how adorable she is, but truly. It's humbling sometimes to see how well she relates to people.
The doc came over to read the results and I thought we were off. Oh but no. Some results were clearly yes or no, but some of the allergens were less well-defined. And those? Those we had to retest on her upper arms. With bigger needles. Joy. The nurse put us on a stool this time and had Avery sit on my lap facing me, with her arms around me. That way, she said, Avery could watch the TV and wouldn't even know that she was getting shots. Yes, let's lie to the 4 year old again, and this time we should sneak up behind her and jab her with giant hypodermic needles when she's not looking. That's a good strategy.
The cream worked this time and Avery didn't even feel the shots. Which was good because the needles were much bigger and they had to work to get them under the skin at just the right angle. Avery kept watching Rapunzel and didn't even feel them. Until she chanced a glance over my other shoulder and saw the nurse creeping up with a giant needle. Nurse hid it behind her back and said "What? I don't have a needle! I'm just standing here!" which Avery was smart enough not to believe at this point.
I finally took charge as I should have from the beginning and said "Avery sweetie, I want you to watch what she's doing. That magic cream didn't work so good the first time, but it did this time. She can poke you with that needle and you won't even feel it. It's actually pretty cool, wanna see?" And what do you know. She watched the needle, saw that she couldn't feel it, and was content to get 24 more dirty needles jabbed in her arms for the sake of her health.
What should have taken 2 hours took 3 and a half. But Avery made many friends, got a new shirt, and in the end she was very proud of herself. And the final allergy tally? 25. Dustmite F, dustmite P, cat, cedar, pecan, box elder, maple, cottonwood, privet, oak, mesquite, johnson grass, redtop grass, alternaria, epicoccum, fusarium, mucor, monilia, ragweed, marsh elder, sorrel, yellow dock, sage, and goldenrod. Her bubble comes in the mail next week and then we start twice a week allergy shots. For joy.
It seems like a lot, and in fact it is for a little girl her age, but now that we know it is much easier to handle it. We know now what meds she needs and how often, what to avoid and when. She hasn't had even one asthma attack since then. Kind of ironic that all I needed was a good diagnosis so we could treat her more effectively and I wouldn't have to miss any work.
Avery was very proud of her battle scars. They took a week to fade and she spent that week informing everyone "I got shot a hundred million times" in that glittery voice of hers. Only Avery can make allergy testing sound cute....
