48 posts tagged “allie”
One of my benevolent co-workers overheard me lamenting the loss of my lens. He said he never has time to use his most awesomely amazing badass lens ever and offered to let me borrow it for a couple of weeks. After I passed out (which was awkward), promised to be his best friend forever and ever (which he respectfully declined), and pinched myself to make sure I wasn't actually asleep at my desk dreaming the whole thing (stranger things have happened), I humbly accepted his offer and floated giddily back to my desk, already composing photos in my head.
The thing that I love about this lens, is that it sees things the way I do. So many times I have the shot in my head and in my sight but the translation gets lost in the glass. After looking at these pictures, I think the lens loves my children almost as much as I do...
Avery was sick, but she still photographs beautifully...
Allie is pensieve as ever. And yes, she is my exact clone...
"Hey girl, what's the matter?" he asked her.
"Is life always going to be like this?" she wailed dramatically, flinging herself towards the bed. I suppress the urge to yell from the other room, that life will likely get much more difficult in the years to come. Now was not the time for snark.
Ron continued speaking in the calm metered tone of a thoughtful therapist. "Well honey, you don't have that much to cry about. Things are great! What do you really have to be sad about?"
"Lots!" she alleged. Again, dramatically.
"Such as.....?" Ron inquired, truly curious.
"Well, you know....... stuff."
"Sweetie, you've got it easy. There's nothing to be upset about. Maybe if your dog died or something you could cry about that," he offered, trying to make her realize life could always be worse.
"I wouldn't cry about that," she sniffled, furrowing her eyebrows, but at least not crying for a change.
"What? Why not?" Ron said aloud and I thought in my head while i was observing from afar.
"It's just a freaking dog!" she said emphatically and wrapped up the statement with a sigh and an eyeroll.
At which point Ron and I lost the composure we had been struggling to maintain. The laughter was eventually contagious and my six-going-on-sixteen-year-old joined in. Our new family catchphrase when someone is whining or feeling sorry for themself? "It's just a freaking ________!"
Scene One
Linz: Allie, we're going to Wal Mart.
Allie: But Wal Mart exploits their workers.
Linz: Um, okay. I'm calling your mom. (dials phone) Ashley, do you know what your daughter just said to me about Wal Mart?
Me: That they exploit their workers?
Linz: Does she even know what that means?
Me: Ask her!
Linz: What does that mean, Allie?
Allie: It means that they don't want to give their workers insurance and they can't go to the doctor.
Me: See how fun brainwashing can be?
Allie: And also, they make everything in China.
Linz: You need a hobby...
Scene Two (overheard discussion between the girls)
Allie: Grandma says we have to vote for the old guy.
Avery: But mom likes No Rock Oh Momma.
Allie: No she likes Hillary Clinton, but we have to pick between the old guy and No Rock.
Avery: No Rock then.
Allie: But Grandma and Lindsay say that No Rock lets women kill their babies in their tummies.
Avery: Only if the baby tries to kill them first.
Scene Three
Allie: Look Mom! Grandma got us a new Webkinz!
Grandma: And a pin from the Republican party too!
Me: So the bear is a republican?
Allie: I want to play Webkinz!
Me: Okay honey. But what are you going to name the bear?
Grandma: How 'bout Freedom Bear?
Me: Or maybe Doomed Economy Bear?
Linz: Your mom would rather name it Gay Marriage Bear.
Grandma: Or Baby Killer Bear.
Me: Your other relatives want to name it Legislating Morality Bear.
Allie: Um.... how 'bout "Fuzzy"?
Avery started kindergarten yesterday. She was so excited about her big day that she nearly ran off to her classroom without so much as a goodbye hug. Allie was equally excited to start the first grade. She's disappointed that her boyfriend isn't in her class, but I think that's a good thing....
See what I mean about trying to write? I'm going to stop that now before anyone puts an eye out. Instead, lets look at pretty pretty pictures together, shall we?
Thursday, Linz and I got to go to an exclusive bridal event at Hotel Derek. I'm not having my wedding there, but I'm down for free hors d'oevures and martinis. We practiced different wedding planning related gestures to use while talking about other things. And we looked adorable and shadowy.
We had a couple of martinis and came back to my place to eat dinner before having a girls' night. Getting ready is always fun. Beware of flared nostrils. They are massive and deadly. Do not try this at home.
Ron took the obligatory pre-launch photo. But Linz and I watch too much America's Next Top Model, so we were doing commercial, catalogue, and couture poses, while giving good neck and - of course - smiling with our eyes. Shown here is couture. (Linz is a national sternum and collarbone supermodel, clearly.)
Yes we're very silly. But not quite as silly as Ron who was trying to attack me with a blood pressure cuff. Sphygmomanometers: As fun to say as they are to play with.
We had a fun evening, which was much needed by all. My mom watched the kids for us, so Friday I watched them for her so she could recuperate.
Saturday, the girls and I went to the new park in downtown Houston called Discovery Green. It's trying to be the Central Park of Houston. It's usually really really fun, but it was pretty crowded on Saturday, and my little clones were too anxious to play very much. They were however eager to smile pretty :)
We also got to check out these half sphere thingies (their technical name, of course). Supposedly, one person sits in one, the other person in the other, and through some sort of sound wave trick, you can hear each other using normal voices even though they appear to be very far away. Once we were there, I discovered the magical trick is proximity, as they're not all that far apart. I was underwhelmed. But they make for a nice picture backdrop anyway...
Sunday was church and babysitting. Linz took Cayden to his first Astro's game and baby Prestyn stayed with us. I've never gotten to take many pictures of her, so I indulged. She is at an adorable age where she's just learned to clap and is quite proud of herself. I love 10 month olds. If I could give birth and have them instantly be this age, I'd have a dozen more.
She also has the prettiest eyelashes. I'm not entirely unconvinced that she isn't hiding an eyelash curler in her crib matress and furiously crimping away during naptime. She moves a ton so it's hard to capture the majesty of her eyelashes, but I gave it a good shot anyway...
I'm off to finish my weekend by cooking turkey spaghetti, playing Webkinz with the girls, watching the Simpsons, and trying to not think about all the wedding stuff I need to be thinking about.
Okay, so Ron was right. They burp like frat boys. But they do it in such a cute way! And they almost always say "Excuse me". And they don't fart at the dinner table. Anymore. Manners are such a subjective thing, you know?
Because I have such wonderful and giving friends, we got the opportunity to see Sugarland perform at the Houston Rodeo and to participate in the Meet and Greet beforehand. Allie is a huge fan after seeing them perform this summer with Kenny Chessney. She sings "Stay" to her kindergarten teacher which always gets her some much needed attention. Avery loves anything that Allie tells her to, so she was excited as well. Ron? Well, he was napping in the corner 30 seconds before this picture was taken, but at least his eyes are open. And aparently I thought I was a contestant in America's Next Top Misplaced Beauty Pageant Contestant which is the only reason I can account for the strangeness of my pose. Jennifer and Kristian are beautiful, gracious, and talented as always. Kristian was a good sport when Avery said "Hi! My name is Avery and I'm four. How old are you?" He explained he was turning 7 pretty soon and was hoping to get a good present. I promised I'd put in a good word with his wife so maybe he could get that bicycle without training wheels. :)
Ron was ambitious enough to teach the girls how to play "Go Fish." I'm not good at teaching things. I can explain things and analyze things and create things, but teaching frustrates me. Ron is much better at this than I am. Allie caught on quickly and is an enthusiastic game player.
Allie: "Do you have any threes?"
Me: "Nope. Go fish."
Allie: "Awww, man! Are you kidding me? Alright..."
Me: "Do you have any sevens."
Allie: "N-O-P nope! Go fish!"
Me: "Oh look! I got a seven, so I have a matching pair."
Allie: "Woohoo! Awesome!"
Avery wasn't quite as quick on the uptake. Actually, I think she learned it just as quickly, but was unimpressed by the lack of creativity. She wanted a game without limits. She wanted something prettier and more exciting.
Me: "Do you have any tens?"
Avery: "Um, here. Check." Holds out all of her cards for me to see. She has no tens. I advise her to not show all her cards. She flops around a bit and I agree to lay all her cards flat on the table so we can play a practice game.
Me: "Your turn, hon."
Avery: "Do you have any sevens?"
Me: "No sweetie. And neither do you. You have to ask me for something that you need."
Avery: "Do you have any cookies?"
Me: "No sweetie. Like you have to ask me for a card that you have so you can make a pair. Ask me for a queen."
Avery: "Do you have a princess?"
Me: ......
Avery: giggling "I mean a queen?"
Me: "Why yes I do! Here you go! Now you've got a pair and now it's my turn. Do you have a jack?" I can see that she doesn't so I spare her the duty of answering and go fish.
Avery: "My turn! Do you have a twenty-nine?"
Me: "Um, honey. The cards are single digits. You can't combine them and ask for the big number. Ask for a two or a nine."
Avery: "Do you have a basketball?"
Me: Giving up. "Go fish."
Yes, we were lucky enough to get tickets to Hannah Montana at the Houston Rodeo. They held a drawing for "real people" to be able to buy tickets. I entered 4 email addresses in the drawing, and one of them won. So we were the lucky purchasers of 4 tickets to the show. And truly I didn't care where the seats were, but geeze louise they were actually literally the very last row in Reliant Stadium. We had suffered some oxygen deprivation from the altitude, but the girls had fun regardless....
On our way to the show. (Note the pimp new minivan recently lamented in Ron's blog)
The show marquee and the actual tickets. (Note: One can not be bored in traffic when armed with a Nikon D-SLR. Stuck at a stoplight? Take pics of random crap! Like concert tickets!)
Allie trying to look irritated that I'm taking her picture (Note the eye makeup I let her wear special for the occassion. I thought I overdid it, but once we got there and saw 3 year olds in false eyelashes and feather boas, well I felt much better about the thin line of eyeliner I allowed.)
Allie being reminded that I still hold the tickets in my little hand so she's got to pretend to like me at least until we get to our seats. (Note that Allie has honed her sullen teenager act to an artform, but I'm breaking her of it surely. I've got 8 years before she's a teenager and I'm not going to spend those years practicing)
Avery in front of her very first tour bus. (Note that Allie was too scared to pose in front of the bus because everyone would be looking at her. Yes, she is indeed my clone.)
The sherpa allowed us a break en route to our seats. The girls could contain their excitement no longer. (Note the peanut on the ground next to Avery. And where did we leave the epipen? In my purse. In the van. In the parking lot 5 miles away....)
73thousand some odd people as seen from the vantage point of our seats. (Note that I'm not hyperventilating although they are all surely staring at me and judging me from afar. No, I'm not on my meds thanks for asking.)
Veal acquisition. (Note that it's actually called the 'calf scramble'. Whatevs. They still chase a baby cow and are mean to it so they can take it home. Poor veal. :(
Blurry children. That can only mean one thing. (Note Allie's carefully studied ennui. It's an artform....)
Hannah Montana. AND Miley Cyrus. AND Billy Ray Cyrus. 3-for-1. (Note. No really. Billy Ray sang "Achey Breaky Heart". It was cute.)
You might say that Avery enjoyed herself. You might also say that she invoked the superhero Flash and acquired the ability to move all her molecules so fast that other solid matter passed through them. (Note: This photo is the closest she ever got to standing still.)
Allie singing with Gaga. (Note that while Gaga knew the words to this one, she wasn't sobbing while singing them. That would be the sappy ass photographer blubbering through "Just Like You" even though she's not remotely near to PMS'ing.)
Best of all? Mommy could still get artsy fartsy when the girls weren't looking. (Note that these are straight out of camera so there is much manipulation fun yet to be had...)
Allie lost her cool facade long enough for the camera to capture it. The quality is not the best, but the emotion is. (Note that I am tearing up again. When did I get to be such a sap?)
The girls were even grateful enough to take a picture with me! They hate to take pictures with me! (Note, Avery might not be visible to the naked eye in this picture. See above note for molecular structure explanation...)
And that's not the end of the fun! The next night, we got to go to the rodeo again and see Sugarland. This time though we had third row seats. Like we could reach out and touch manure and hear the cowboys cuss. Plus we got to meet Sugarland before hand, which the girls are still talking about. But me? I've got to get some sleep tonight. Sugarland pics tomorrow, if the boss lets me.... ;)
Well, she really and truly sort of is. I submitted a pic of both of the
girls to momhouston.com, which is a section of the Houston Chronicle. I was
just notified that the pic of Allie was selected among the best of
February.
http://www.chron.com/channel/momhouston/photogallery/MomHouston_presentsbrMy_Kid_Best_of_February.html
Hers is picture number 7. Isn't she a cutie? And I'm officially justified
in my bias....
